A good friend of mine, Peter, is a gifted healer and he has dedicated – in truth, devoted – his life to serving others in a way that is joyful.
In one of our meetings, I felt deadlocked within, almost irrevocably. Again, not unusual or unexpected because often we have unconscious blocks, which we cannot know or truly understand because they reside below the level of our conscious awareness, yet we feel the effects of them nonetheless, sometimes all the time.
As an example, it was something like, ‘I wish to be loved but feel unlovable.’ And there were many more along a similar thread, like, ‘I am yearning for freedom but wish to remain stuck,’ or ‘I must leave now but will need to obey and remain loyal.’
In that moment, he said that is a ‘paradoxical injunction’.
Literally, I was amazed. The expression was so obvious and the conflict within so real.
Part of us knows what we want and need and feel has to happen so strongly; yet another part of us and our programming is so deeply invested in a controlling belief that we must not do that thing so we remain in a stand-off or stalemate that seems irreconcilable so nothing changes.
We remain closed-off to the new outcome even though the existing situation is untenable and unhelpful. As humans we are, at times, walking contradictions and the fact we can hold and harbour opposing situations that block forward progress is part of the process of awareness and of the tension we face.
As we uncover more of these things within us, we come to see that, like a hot air balloon that wishes to fly, we, too, can remain saddled and sandbagged by beliefs that keep us held where we are until they are released.
Releasing them comes in different ways and at different times for each of us. Sometimes, we have vows or promises in place, other times beliefs and obligations, and other times we are required to strengthen and clarify within to discern further and have the intuition around whether what we really say we wish is what is best and right for us.
Being part of and patient with the process consciously is what makes the journey richer, deeper and more rewarding.
There is often a reason for anything and it is up to us to have the willingness and passion to go deeper within if only through seeing what is happening around us to come to learn why we do what we do.
To freedom and to life!