Our inner emotional and mental landscape is absolutely pivotal to our wellbeing and our ability to connect or relate to others. To truly be there for ourselves and anyone else requires us to get intimate with ourselves and see how we think, feel and act.
It’s a process. Until we truly know and get clear on who we are and see our patterns in the light of day, we can become enslaved by them and dance around our core issues therein inflicting even more pain on others.
Our hormones and feelings, addictions and patterns can drive us to ‘connect’ and ‘reach out’ to link in with others and without awareness or true insight we can become embroiled or entangled in ways that see us lose ourselves and our connection to what is truly true.
All love is self-love. All respect is self-respect. All worth is self-worth. All confidence is self-confidence.
The mind readily dismisses this truth. It wants it from another and outside which is why it neglects what is happening within or seeks to change its internal states by expecting – even demanding – that an external thing, substance, circumstance or person be that thing they think they need and must have to be whole and complete.
This is the source of suffering and the cause of pain. The internal contradiction is thinking that anything or anyone could ever or should ever give or be what you need. It’s not possible, not in any life or lifetime yet we can be consumed by trying to ensure and enforce it over and over.
You are an infinite spirit of love and light that is the very divine force of freedom in need of nothing.
When we realise this, as our, abundant and bountiful nature we see that is our true essence and we reflect through others, namely, the higher states of joy and love, peace and greatness that are not only our birthright but the highest expression of ourselves within us. True realisation then means we do not force or seek it in anything but simply feel it and know it experientially within as the abiding consciousness we are…
Now, the reality is that many of us land in adulthood clueless that the distorted programs and dysfunctional patterns we absorbed in childhood, or earlier, some of which are useful and functional, are actually running our lives on automatic pilot creating the structures of thoughts and paradigms of living that attract whatever we see in our lives.
If our needs were not ‘met’ or our lives were less than ‘perfect’, which is basically all humans, then our lens of perception can see us inter-relate in sub-optimal and misdirected ways. We look at the same situations differently. Our energetic expression of the vibration of love differs based on the degree of our awareness and the level of our consciousness – we can be so shutdown to miss the love that is there in us and around us because the unconscious or buried pain so pervades us that it seems to obscure our view so incessantly we cannot truly see, or really feel the truth of what is right in front of us. As sad or solemn as it sounds, it is a reality many live for a lifetime leading them to perpetually argue with what is and miss entirely what truly is.
As the heavy-hitting and often binding emotions like resentment and anger, jealousy and frustration, depression and anxiety, hate and disgust, trauma and abuse, loneliness and isolation ensue we are left constellating from patterns in a sea of emotion that can seem to threaten our ability to stay strong, stable and sane.
And naturally… these states of living are not only challenging and confronting, they can feel unpleasant and unwanted.
In a short time, such energies can feel draining and confusing and cause us to feel even more disconnected and unlike our true self as though we have descended into darkness and become distant from the light of our own heart and isolated from the very energy of love which would otherwise simply radiate from within and permit us to feel the spontaneous joy and beautiful aliveness we are always, even still, beneath what we are experiencing.
The ensuing neediness can cause us to look outside more intensely and aggressively to prove our worth, validate our relevance and insist on our bounty in a way that is off-putting, hostile and indigestible. It’s at this point that passion can be distorted and energy misdirected as the need for significance – driven by the mind and the ego – can see us forego values and principles, truths and knowing out of sheer desperation grounded in survival and fear. Our hurt and heaviness then contaminates everything we touch and everywhere we go as if like a sticky residue or an odious stench that wafts around us and can be felt by all those who see us or even don’t see us as evidenced by the subliminal messages we broadcast to all.
Healing, solitude, introspection, awareness, time, patience, care, gentleness, nature, rest, observation can seem like an anathema to a racing mind that is barrelling down a highway wishing to live life to the full…
Yet that same mind unaware of what it is truly creating or acknowledging the feedback of returning patterns arising can simply be hurtling down the road that leads them to collide with a wall.
When we hold and harbour our hurt from scars or wounds of childhood or life, we can become prickly, mal-adjusted and untrusting of those around us. We can be hyper-vigilant and energetically aloof as if closed-down or walled off from others. Often, our coping or defensive mechanism while effective in the face of trauma and abuse often remains long after it has stopped or well after the years we have outgrown it.
As though restrained or shackled, such patterns can be stifling and stagnating in ways that keep us small, hold us back or see us cycle through patterns that perpetuate the dysfunction or distress. It is like our external situation has left but it has exposed to us in such a way that we inflict on ourselves further self-abuse, self-sabotage, self-delusion, self-deception in each moment through the thoughts and beliefs we developed as a consequence of it being a protective mechanism or repetitive pattern that just keeps looping in the background.
Of course the path and process of each is unique and the frequency they may require to balance and heal is equally different.
I have the greatest respect and highest admiration for people who have withstood the intolerable and endured the unbearable. They are true champions in life as they must not only experience the absence of their true nature and abundance but seemingly also face the exact opposite of what is most natural for them. Through sheer happenstance or soul choice they can feel conscripted to become spiritual athletes of the highest order and for that alone they ought to step up to the dais of life, take a bow and be showered with countless blessings.
It is not only heroic and herculean, it is and they are in a word: Olympians.
They are, for in situations that are difficult and distressing do they find themselves called by life to transcend and master them, to rise above them and cultivate a consciousness that liberates and awakens them to their true self.
This is no small or trivial feat but a colossal task that is as inescapable as it is irrepressible.
And the results and reward is often unknown and uncertain. Their success daily may be unnoticed and unsung; their extraordinary capability and tremendous commitment may be ignored or dismissed and the outcome may see them greeted only by themselves in simple and subtle ways without any fuss or fanfare, pomp or ceremony.
If life has unfolded in this way for you then it is blessed and noble path, a sacred journey of awakening that brings you face to face with yourself in the deepest sense and closer to the cusp of life that offers to provide a level of fulfilment and meaning that illuminates and liberates in ways that makes it not only worthwhile but glorious.
If you can find patience for yourself, trust in the process and faith in life then you may be privy to the level of grace and peace that allows your process of transformation to embrace you in ways that confers greater knowing and deeper strength as you walk it.
Sometimes the path can be intensely challenging even relentless and unabating and still we are asked to breathe, allow and connect within to a deeper level of being beyond the choppy waters to rest on the ocean floor that is our true being.
Indeed we can become so bewildered and bamboozled at the way in which life unfolds or living happens for it can become so contorted to the point our perception and experience of life is twisted into the proverbial pretzel to the point that back is front and up is down. In this way, it could mean that even the most natural and normal things, the most precious and essential, beautiful life-sustaining and energy-enriching are non-existent. They simply do not arise or occur as part of our life experience.
We came here to shine. To be truly alive and live fully, reclaiming our power as divine beings…
And so it is also true that we are no different to the flower deprived of water or hidden from sunlight that wilts and withers. There are things that ensure a wonderful life…
This is crucially why keen observation and true appreciation of what is and our inner reactions and landscape is integral to living our best life and to having relationships that are nourishing and supportive, health and sustaining.
Of course, help is at hand. Even perhaps these words may have shared an insight that provides clarity or comfort to explain what has been your life experience, or not. Being open to receive and being willing to research what can assist us to heal and resolve what arises for us is an act of self-love and self-care that can quicken or deepen our birthing process.
Some interesting energetic entanglements and residue can come up for healing and integrating on our path from everything from emotional shock and trauma to heart walls, from addictive patterns to dysfunctional relationships, from toxic reactions and food intolerances, to unhealthy vows or intergenerational contract, vanishing twin syndromes or other exotic interplays to name a mere few.
Often things are far simpler and more complex than they seem so see where the road takes you it takes you and noticing how it feels as you walk it is part of the process. Not every right way feels so, and not every wrong turn is ever wrong.
In the mish-mash, messiness, the craziness and zaniness of life there is a higher order and just when you think you are furthest from where you need to be or that which you long wished, it may simply, beautifully, wonderfully land before you and be seen for the first time.
Life is not linear. Things that seemed to take a lifetime to manifest can resolve in an instant and what seemed like light years away can shift so profoundly that one is catapulted from one ‘reality’ into a whole new life experience as though carried into the stratosphere.
Only we walk in our shoes, and in our life. All others may provide clarity or comfort yet our journey to connect and communion with our own higher self and awakened spirit is ours alone.
Transition and transformation, movement and change, growth and evolution: it happens to all of us within all of us, always. Sometimes our growth seems small and insignificant as though glacial as things shift on cellular or spiritual level, and other times life can dramatically reveal and wield substantial changes overnight.
Awakening is a process of rising awareness and reclaiming self to live a life that corresponds most closely to our highest wishes, deepest calling, and most natural selves in our essence and presence.
May the brightest colours comfort and the most beautiful sounds serenade your process of awakening on the journey from caterpillar to butterfly that sees us awaken to spirit while still alive in human form.